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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29833905">six lives gone, two hearts beat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rednow/pseuds/rednow'>rednow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>mishandled discs and memory books (dream smp) [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Afterlife, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brothers, Denial, Emotional Hurt, Flowers, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Past Character Death, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Reunions, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot-centric, because I said so, fuck dsmp!dream all my homies HATE that bitch, kind of because otherwise it's simply, sorry it's sad gotta cope somehow lmao, that is. debatable</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:28:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29833905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rednow/pseuds/rednow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a saying from ages past that people speak the most important lines last. </p><p><i>I love you, Wilby. You’re my brother,</i> went unsaid.</p><p>That saying further goes on like this: if you’re close enough to them, a lost spirit will carry the words and you’ll hear the unheard words in your heart. </p><p>Wilbur’s eyes watered blue. <i>I love you more. Don’t say that, I will cry.</i></p><p>Or, Tommy and Wilbur meet in the afterlife and Tommy’s missed him and all, but god, he can’t catch a fucking break anywhere because holy fuck, Wilbur's losing his fucking shit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>mishandled discs and memory books (dream smp) [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>744</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>six lives gone, two hearts beat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>understandably, everyone's writing a fic like this To Cope, and here's mine. i wanted to drift my scenes away to be slightly canon divergent and write about two boys who were happy with just each other's company before the world ripped them away</p><p>happy reading &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> There was something about these fields, Tommy thought, as he ran for his life. </em> <em>A certain liberty to be.  </em></p><p>
  <em> “Wilbur, fuck, no!” Tommy giggled, chest heaving as he sprinted through rows and rows of flowers. “I don’t want to die!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur halted, heels digging into the path carved out from the sunbaked soil. He sighed, adjusting his beanie and shifting through his hair. Was this really his life?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Tommy,” he called out evenly, smiling a little inspite of himself. “Tommy. You're not going to die. It's me, after all! Don’t run! I just wanna talk.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tommy turned around to face him a few feet ahead. He stuck out his tongue. “Get fucked, bitch boy! I know you! You’re going to kill me when I come over.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur groaned dramatically, fingers twitching. Tommy’s eyes widened catching the movement, and he dashed, flowers flattening as he bounded through the field. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur smiled as he sprinted, knowing he’d catch up.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Shouts of pretense agony rang out.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry Wilbur! Listen– Listen to me. I’m really tired– NO, stop Wilbur, back off! Nooo, go away! Wilbur, fuck off! Top 10 reasons why Wilbur Soot should NOT kill me right now... Number 5 will shock you!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur laughed, a mirthful grin splitting across his face as he bounced on his heels, standing a little taller. He'd never been happier before. It was so good being here, just him and his little brother. “Oh no, Tommy,” he said, gripping onto his brother’s shoulder with a hand. “No, my dearest Tommy. There’s no saving yourself now. Top 10 anime deaths. Number one? YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wilbur made towards him, grinning at him in playful victory, and inspite of being on the losing side, Tommy couldn’t help but shriek in stupid joy as Wilbur tackled him. His laughter echoed out into the summer fields, young and bright.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There was indeed something about these fields. In the midst of the flowers, bordered front and back by the crisp spruce forests and the lake to their left which had clear sparkling water all year long, when he was with Wilbur in the afternoons the president was free, these lands marked Tommy’s favorite place in all of Dream SMP. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The fields reeked of youth, and of life. In these fields, poppies and lupines fell only to rise again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Surely, this was it, he thought, as he fell.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Surely, he’d found home.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tommy let his older brother tackle him into the ground, his cheeks brushing into flowers, and together, they were home. </em>
</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>“... Hello?” </p><p>Tommy wasn’t sure if he said the words or if they died inside.</p><p>Moondust fell on the dark haired tall boy sitting near the lake. The high moon shone down on them and the lake, and it buried Wilbur in a tranquil silver. </p><p>Wilbur sat with his back towards him, legs folded on wild grass. In the silence of the night, his brother’s hands worked quietly, threading wilting lupines into a flower crown. </p><p>Tommy shut his eyes, feet wavering in unease. This was the same fucking field. Had it all been a dream? A lapse of judgement, crack in his memory? It was all so long ago now, and Tommy didn’t remember. All pride stripped away from him, Tommy grappled with himself. </p><p>“Wilbur—” Tommy tried again, but his vocal chords choked him in the attempt, betraying and sore.</p><p>Wilbur turned, and Tommy swallowed. The comfortable smile he’d seen Wil adorn all throughout his presidential career dropped immediately when their eyes lined. </p><p>“Fuck. Is... Is that you, Tommy?” Wilbur looked so visibly distraught that Tommy’s shameful eyes fell to the ground without permission.</p><p>“Yeah?” Tommy spoke roughly, blinking rapidly at the path carved out in the flower field. He was sure he’d cry if he dared look up. And dear fucking god, no matter what, he was <em> not </em>going to cry in front of Wilbur. “Yeah, Wilbur?” </p><p>Wilbur stumbled up, lupines raining from his lap. A beat. “My Tommy?”</p><p>Tommy felt his throat burn. He choked out a ragged laugh. “Yeah,” he whispered, voice sounding pathetically small. “It’s me.” He coughed, trying to regain strength back into his throat. “It’s me, bitch boy. It’s me. Your Tommy.” His voice croaked disfunctionally, as if his vocal chords had been choked to death.</p><p>Which they had.</p><p>Wilbur stood there under the cold moon and the black night, Tommy could see his hands trembling by his sides. He wasn’t sure if Wilbur was mad, or angry or sad, but his throat burnt so much that he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to ask.</p><p>But Wilbur seemed to be struggling too. “This can’t be…,” he murmured. “Surely not. Please tell me this– this is a mistake. Did you– Tommy. Did you just fucking…?” </p><p>Tommy pressed his lips, eyes sad. He didn’t need Wilbur to complete the sentence to understand. <em> Did you just fucking die? </em> Mutely, he nodded to the grass.</p><p>It’d been ten minutes but Tommy had already made up his mind about his current situation. Being dead was fucking<em> awful. </em> Being dead and then re-spawning in a place which carried his happiest memories was even more fucking <em> horrid, </em> like the admins of the server were playing a sick joke.</p><p>He swallowed again, just as Wilbur’s arms crashed around him, tackling him to the ground. His arms engulfed him whole, protecting and warm, and although there was nothing Tommy was afraid of anymore, Tommy felt momentarily safe. Tommy fell to the ground, lips parting in a silent gasp, but Wilbur’s arms cradled his back to save from the impact.</p><p>“What happened, Tommy? Christ, fuck, scratch that.” Wilbur shook his head, moving back a little so they could actually look at each other. “You… you aren’t supposed to be here. You weren’t supposed to… Fuck, Tommy! For fuck's sake! What happened to you... can’t ever save yourself, can you? </p><p>Tommy bit his tongue, hard, silently shaking his head. He furiously blinked his eyes, feeling tears brim up in them. </p><p>Wilbur looked at him, eyes widening in horror. “No, no no no, Tommy, I didn’t. Fuck, no! I didn’t mean that, Tommy– FUCK, Tommy, come here.”</p><p>Tommy shook, hands convulsing as he took a step forward. </p><p>Wilbur crashed into him again, sinking to his knees, his arms encasing him whole. “Oh Tommy,” he murmured into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, Tommy.”</p><p>Tommy blinked. Wilbur coughed. He sounded exhausted, Tommy realised, and he tried his best to not to move a single muscle. Wilbur coughed again, his chest shuddering against his own, like he’d been drenched in the lake's ice-cold water.</p><p>Tommy did a double take. To his horror, he realised that Wilbur was crying. And he wasn't just crying, Wilbur was fucking crying… <em> blue. </em> </p><p>He was listening to his older brother cry into his shoulder, his liquid blue drenching Tommy's red shirt, while he just stood there.</p><p>“Sorry,” Wilbur whispered to him, his voice horribly croaky and muffled from his shoulder. This world is fucked, Tommy decided, as he listened to his older brother gasp and choke on his own cries. “Sorry, Tommy, I’m <em> so </em>fucking sorry.” Wilbur paused. “I couldn’t protect you.”</p><p>Tommy wanted to scream.</p><p>Tommy shifted his head, exhaling into the crook of Wilbur's neck, and his eyes completely blurred out in tears.</p><p>In another life, another time,</p><p>Tommy would have laughed, brushing the apology aside. Tommy would've wormed out of Wilbur’s hug, called him a simp and ran away. Wilbur would chase after him, cursing, because for fuck’s sake, was this really his life? Tommy would plead for forgiveness and Wilbur would laugh, tell him off jokingly and ruffle his hair.</p><p>In another life, another time, </p><p>Tommy would be brave, Tommy would pick the right fights at the right time, with people who had a heart enough to listen. </p><p>In another life, another time, Wilbur would be alive, Wilbur would be the man Tommy looked up to, his brother and role model, the brightest light in his life.</p><p>Role models? Tommy tilted his head in Wilbur’s hold. Wilbur’s winter sweater smelled like the lupines Wilbur would constantly make crowns out of. Everyone’s so fucked.</p><p>And lava burns, Tommy thought, closing his eyes. Lava’s so bright.</p><p>In another life, another time, Wilbur and Tommy would not have to meet this way. </p><p>This wasn’t the way he wanted to go.</p><p>Tubbo, Phil, Technoblade… he left everyone behind. He never got to make it up with Technoblade. Tommy choked on an inhale, his chest struggling to breathe normally. Oh, and Phil would be waiting. He died on the man's birthday, for Christ's sake. What a shit present. It would be almost hilarious if he didn't feel so fucking useless and tired. And Tubbo... even if he pushed all that he felt about Tubbo aside, Tubbo still had the disc. </p><p>“Wilbur,” Tommy said, not recognizing his own voice, but Wilbur stopped crying to look up at him all the same.</p><p>Words rose and died down his throat, clogging yet refusing to come up. There was so much to say, so much to tell him, how fucking much he’d missed him, how angry he was at being left behind, why was this the way they had to meet— but nothing came up.</p><p>Knowingly, Wilbur’s hands came up from around his waist to clamp around both of his shoulders, steading him with their gentle pressure. </p><p>Wilbur’s eyes were trained on him. They leaked blue at the edges from all the crying, and Tommy’s hands trembled from suppressing the urge to reach out and wipe them all away. </p><p>There was so much to say, but it was too early still, too soon to say them just yet, and since admitting things made them more real, Tommy kept his quiet.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, I missed you big man.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, it hurt. It felt like the blows would never stop raining. Even when I started to black out, I was scared they would never end.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wilbur, I was so scared all this while without you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, my throat hurts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wilbur, please hug me again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, I fucking hate you for leaving me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, does it get easier? Are you okay with it now? Will I learn to be okay with it too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, is it selfish to be happy I don’t have to near Dream anymore? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur, I really fucking wish I hadn’t died though. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wilbur I miss you. I missed you, I missed you so much, you prickhead, stop fucking crying, oh my fucking god. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy shook away from Wilbur’s hold, bending down to pluck a red poppy from the hundreds that grew wild to both their sides. Wilbur followed him with his eyes. </p><p>There’s a saying from ages past that people speak the most important lines last. Tommy bit his lip.</p><p>He handed the poppy over. <em> You’re my brother, Wilby. I love you, </em>went unsaid.</p><p>That saying further goes on like this: if you’re close enough to them, a lost spirit will carry the words and you’ll find the unheard words in your heart. </p><p>Wilbur’s eyes watered blue, and he sunk into his younger brother’s shoulder again.</p><p>
  <em> I love you more. Don’t say that I will cry.  </em>
</p><p><em>You already are, you dickhead,</em> Tommy exhaled shakily as Wilbur clung on to him. Fuck it, he told himself. Be brave for him.</p><p>Somewhere behind them, in midst of heavy lupines and scented poppies that swayed with the wind, a cat purred quietly.</p><p>This wasn’t home, Tommy learnt, but it was the best it could be for now. </p><p>He wrapped his arms fully around his shaking older brother still in denial, gathering as much of home as he possibly could.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the blue &amp; red concept was inspired by this <a href="https://twitter.com/CawingBagel/status/1366918609360941058?s=20">amazing art</a> by @CawingBagel. i used lupines because they're blue, and poppies because they're red :) when lupines rained off of Wilbur's lap, it was a foreshadowing for the blue he was about to cry out of his eyes.</p><p>fun fact, this was a semi-vent fic. i have a really hard time letting myself be even in my own writing but i tried and it felt amazing. </p><p>kudos/comments mean the world &lt;3</p><p>as an oneshots person, user sub to me i beg. i really gotta buy myself more blue</p><p><span class="u">ALSO:</span> since the time of writing this fic, i've gotten better at venting, and here's a similar, way sadder fic on the void that i've written. <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30610073">'out like a light'</a> is one of the saddest fics i've written. i think it'll stay that way till the end of time</p></blockquote></div></div>
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